When I was 15 or 16, I started combing every queer-ish movie I could find for fag sex. I watched whole films just for gestures, innuendo and perhaps a few kisses. Eventually, I found slightly better films online, with a Netflix subscription that took me through what seemed like their entire library of "Gay/Lesbian" films.

Still, it was always a tease: waiting, watching, for validation which was so sweet and strange that it made the whole world pale around it. These were cinematic rituals, performed alone, wrapped in a blanket in the dark in front of the television, late at night, the sound painfully low so as not to draw jokes or derision from parents.

Even now, though, there is this sense that everything in a straight world is just a tease. Queers are pretty accepting, on the whole: we watch TV series because they're queer-friendly or have a queer aesthetic, enduring through the frequent, graphic hetero romances for a couple of caresses between gay characters, or even just the depiction of a non-straight relationship. We're good at subsisting on the scraps thrown to us. Filmmakers and TV producers know that their primary audiences are almost always overwhelmingly heterosexual, and they cater to them first-- even when the show is primarily about gay people. We are expected to psychically survive on very little validation and titillation from our media.

Of course, certain films break the mold, perhaps in increasing numbers. Shortbus (John Cameron Mitchell) is an excellent example of a film that treats queer and straight characters and relationships with an equal dose of nudity, graphic sex and frank understanding. And an array of indie films, not intended to be highly marketable, focus exclusively on queer lives and perspectives without the need to compulsively translate these experiences for straight viewers.

I was delighted when I came across this sketch from Kids in the Hall, itself a radically inclusive TV series. The sketch is not only funny, but nails the whole issue: three Kids, playing young gay men, go to see a new "groundbreaking" gay film about characters who never get out of their snowsuits, much less have sex.

Kids in the Hall: "Intimate Circumstances" |  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UElgVYBi6mo

The Kids in the audience react differently: the "liberal" insists that "this is an important film for the Gay and Lesbian community!" and reminds his bored friends that "the Advocate loved it"! The cute dark-haired fag-- who would totally be me if I were in this theatre-- is excited, but then falls asleep.

And Butch, too bored to continue watching the film, wanders off and finds a hot, tattooed audience member to make out with. As his two friends shake their heads at him, he exclaims, "Great movie, huh?!" The media may throw scraps--both in the early 90s and today--to queer audiences, but the real world is full of good stuff-- the mistake is to miss it while looking for tidbits among the garbage.