Gina,

Your response is exactly what I've repeatedly asked you to stop doing: telling me what I am thinking, doing, feeling, insinuating, etc. That is very violent communication. I have repeatedly asked you to stop this and have told you that I will not continue this conversation if you cannot do that. I will not discuss this further.

I did apologize. I did acknowledge the problem AND I fixed my mistake. There is no more I can or will do.

Gina,

Wow. Do you realize that in every exchange you have continued to assign me feelings, behaviors and motivations that are not mine? Do you realize that explaining what I do and do not need are forms of violent communication? Do you realize that your behavior and speech have repeatedly minimized me? This is not ok and I have been repeatedly calling your attention to your behavior while not exempting my own. To be very clear, I have not invited you into discussion but I have not closed the door yet. However, if you cannot communicate in "I/me" statements and acknowledge your own behavior and language, we cannot continue this conversation.

I'm also confused when you spend time writing about your painful past experiences and then say you do not want acknowledgement of this. This sounds like mixed messaging and I am not clear what you want. As I have rpeatedly asked you, please ask for what you want.

What I believe I hear you asking for is for me to say that I comprehend that to use a desciptive word alone - use an adjective as a noun when talking/writing about a person - diminishes them as a human being. Got it. That has never been in question. I am still not clear what you're trying to get from these exchanges and hope that you can tell me what you think "listening" looks like that has not happened.

Hi Gina,

I understand you've been hurt and I appreciate that you're still willing to have a conversation. I think that's very commendable.

For the record, I don't tiptoe. I behave as respectfully as I know how with what information I have and observe the boundaries I know about. Doing this is especially difficult online and in print and I allow for mis-reads and the like as the price of being able to network with people I don't often see.

As I said before, I had a different reading on the site, I shortened language based on my perception and it was a mistake. I've acknowledged the mistake and fixed it the best I know how. It did take me awhile to make the fix largely because I am currently overwhelmed with - ironically - putting together a show on hate speech based on gender perceptions. Regardles, I have continued to ake the time needed to not only correct my print error but have lengthy conversations with you about the process. I know I am not above making mistakes myself but what is most important to me is my behavior around them. I feel I've done a good job.

I hope that you can hold in your mind that I am not beating myself up for my mistake while at the same time, I am very conscious of the violence directed at gender nonconforming people and trans women in particular face. Being able to forgive myself allows me more time to focus on seeing others and making things better in the future.

I hope this answers your questions and concerns.

Gina,

Are you at all aware of how you're reading tone and intent into my actions? I did not mention feeling wounded nor acting flip. These are just some of the things you have assigned to me without asking. Do you realize you've told me I'm a trans man when that's not my identity? And I'm confused when you cite your long-term acquaintance with Mark. Do you feel you need some kind of backup or is this an attempt to threaten me in some way?

These behaviors, Gina, are no different from the mistake I made. I would appreciate an apology and a willingness to listen in the future. I am willing to bet that your pain makes it difficult to respond to me in more accurate proportion and I certainly empathize with you. I hope that we can have more cordial and collaborative communication in the future.

Gina,
I appreciate you asking for what you want this time.

Are *you* aware of what kind of space this is? Do you realize that within the first hour on the site, one of your first acts was to police language with someone you don't know rather than enter into a conversation or to ask for clarification or language change?

I will respect the boundaries of people who I share space with when and as they ask for those boundaries to be respected. Boundaries are only good for the person who puts them out there, so I do not consider your boundary transferrable to all transwomen.

I get a sense of frustration from you and I don't think that this is all about me. I don't think we're on opposite sides here. Get to know me and my work before you accuse me of being disrespectful to you or anyone else and I'll do the same.